Lets get a little deep..

I have written and re-written this post too many times to count, and every time I think there is just something missing, but this is such a hard subject to explain, I figured, I’ve done the best I’m going to do with this one.

I remember when I found out I was pregnant in January 2014 and suddenly pregnancy stuff was everywhere,

“Its the hardest thing you’ll ever do”

“You’ll love that little person more than you can ever imagine”

“Nothing else will ever be as important”

“You’ll never forget the first time you meet your baby”

These, are all true, more than you could ever know and more than I could ever understand until I met him.

Its a very hard feeling to explain and comprehend, unless your a mother yourself,what it is like to have and love a child, without wanting to sound patronising,and I say this having lived both lives.

But I’ll try my best to explain.

Its the feeling of your heart literally jumping out of your chest and being carried around in the body of a small person you created. Forever. Having an almost aching feeling with all the love you have for that one small person, that you could just burst, or cry, (you’ll do that a lot, trust me). Always wanting everything for that person, more than you could ever want anything for yourself, because nothing makes you as happy any more as seeing them smile. The feeling of wanting to cry every time you look at them because you just cant believe how much you really love them, and how you managed to create and deserve something so amazing. ( I’m sure this probably diminishes with time to some extent, the crying part at least). Knowing that you would literally do ANYTHING for that one person, no matter what it meant for you. The unconditional bond and love you share forever, that you will never have with anyone else. The pride of making another human being with someone else you love and watching that loved one bond with them and love them just as much too. The feeling of happiness when they just look at you with sheer love, and you know that you are the most important thing in their lives. (Even when they grow up and temporarily forget it). When they call you ‘Mama’ for the first time, the first time they hug you, the first time they kiss you, the first time they tell you they love you, (Cant wait for that one). You can’t even remember what life was like before, without them in it, and you wouldn’t want to anyway. A part of your heart feels full that you didn’t even realise was empty.  A little hand suddenly fits in yours so perfectly. A smile, a giggle and even a “hiya” feels up your whole heart, just from a tiny little human. 

The feeling in your heart that you have finally met that person you were always looking for.

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The sudden appreciation for the people who raised you all those years, who you thought at times, were annoying, horrible, and unfair, but actually just wanted the very best for you. Who worried themselves that they weren’t doing enough when you moaned at them for something, when really it was just for your own good, and now you know how they were feeling, how they still are, how they always will.

“You spend years wishing your parents would get off your back, only to realize, they’re the only ones who ever really had yours”.

‘Its the hardest thing you’ll ever do’

This is very true, you’ll think you wont be able to do it, but you’ll be fine. You have to be, and although it’ll feel like you are doing everything wrong, if its all you can do, then there’s nothing more they could ask from you.

And its true what they say.

“You’ll never forget the first time you meet your baby”

Although I’m writing this only 17 months after the experience, so its still fairly recent, I know this will always be true. How could you ever forget such a magical moment. How can you ever forget meeting the love of your life for the first time?

So I say this.

It is the hardest thing you will EVER do. You’ll feel like you never have any time for you any more, no time to yourself, (but you’ll miss them terribly as soon as their gone for a few hours), you’ll think your life is on hold, (when really its just beginning) and you’ll feel so frustrated sometimes you just want to scream and cry.

But I promise you, its the best thing you will ever do.

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Until next time

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